Here’s something to think about. What kind of bator are you?
The more I connect with other bators, through the podcast, my Twitter, our discord server or other avenues online or in person, the more I’ve come to realise that Bator is an umbrella term. For a long time, I thought there was a list of attributes that one had to satisfy in order to qualify themselves as a bator. And that list, at least to me, seemed long, specific and set a pretty high bar. These are the kinds of bators and the kinds of activities you see online a lot, particularly if you follow any bators or the relevant hashtags on twitter. But more and more I’m realising that the meaning of the term Bator is widening. It’s opening up to include more and more penis owners who enjoy their solo pleasures.
There are one or two types or categories that you see online more often than others but that doesn’t make them any more valid than the other categories. I know there are many guys out there that enjoy a good solo session but feel reluctant to use the label Bator. That was me for a long time. Even still occasionally now I see people online proclaiming what’s required in order to be a “true bator” and it makes me doubt, just for a moment, whether or not I’m a true bator. I’m not sure there is such a thing as a ‘true bator’ not one kind of level of bator that we want to hold up above all others. This idea of a true bator often purports that gooning, poppers and cock worship are essential tenets of being a bator. Well, straight off the bat I’m going to tell you that I do none of those things. But I challenge anyone to have a conversation with me about this topic and still believe I’m not a committed bator. I mean, I started a podcast about the topic after all.
Considering the stigma associated with masturbation, and the generational shame that many of us are still hanging onto in varying degrees I’m all for opening up the batorhood. I started the group and the podcast to make being a bator more accepting and more accessible. So I think we need to think about being a bator as being someone that enjoys a solo session, enjoys the feelings their penis can give them on a one-on-one level. Don’t worry. I’ll get to buddy bating too later.
But to me that’s the end of the checklist. Do you love having a wank? Tick. Welcome.
The key word in there is love. Every guy on the planet enjoys masturbation. I mean, it’s designed to feel good, especially that final release. Anyone that says they don’t enjoy it is lying or needs a referral to specialist treatment.
But what separates bators from the general penis-playing population is the love of the bate. The understanding that it’s more than just a stopgap or a fallback. It’s an activity in and of itself that is a great source of pleasure. It can be the first choice of sexual activity or a choice further down the list. But the acknowledgement of the depth of pleasure that’s truly possible in a solo session is what bators are all about.
But this episode isn’t a rant about acknowledging batorhood and its membership. It’s about the main types of bators that I’ve encountered in my travels, online and in person. I’m keen to hear what you think of these categories. There’s a poll on my Patreon page (don’t worry it’s not behind the paywall) where you can tell me what category you fit into and leave a comment if you like.
There are four categories that fit under the ‘bator’ umbrella. Some are terms you might be familiar with, some are ones I’ve kind of come up with.
These are Solo Sexual, Preferential Bator, and Bate Lover. You might now be thinking ‘where’s these other terms that I’ve heard?’ Stay tuned. They’re likely to come up a little later. But here’s a brief description of each of those categories as I see them.
The solosexual is the one of the three that you’ve most likely heard before. This is someone who participates in masturbation as all or almost all of their sexual activity. They’re rarely involved in partnered sex, if they have partnered encounters they’re more likely to be with a bate bro or mutual masturbation. This is one of the categories that seem to be held above others in online circles and while I’m not making any efforts to invalidate this as a proper lifestyle I am trying to say that not being a solosexual doesn’t mean you aren’t living a bator lifestyle. Having partnered penetrative sex doesn’t make you less of a bator. Not doing that doesn’t make you more of a bator. It just makes you a solosexual bator. That being said, while I’m not personally fitting in here, I do love this category. A number of solosexuals that I’ve spoken to say it took them a while to come to terms with it. And I can see why. When so much of our society is about finding a partner for either a romantic connection or a sexual connection or both, full solosexuals go against that. Bravely and boldly. So if that’s you, a big fist bump to you. (pun intended)
The second category I like is the preferential bator. This is pretty much where I fall. It’s the bator who will often choose masturbation over other forms of sexual activity. I couldn’t tell you the number of times I’ve been home alone, my Grindr notification has gone off with an offer but I’ve thought, Nah I think I’d rather have a wank. At the further end of the spectrum of preference is the choice to bate instead of do other activities. While others might watch TV or play games, the full preferential bator gets their dick out. I tick this box too. If you’ve noticed that this episode is a little late onto the Patreon early release feed, that’s exactly why. There can be many reasons why someone may prefer a solo session over a partnered encounter. For me it’s often about the depth of pleasure that I can take myself to. It’s a little of the introverted side of me too. And I don’t have to worry about pleasing the other person. I’m a huge people-pleaser and a lot of my focus in partnered sex is on the partner. For others, it could be the isolation, as a means of escape or the opportunity to connect with themselves fully. It could be the guarantee, a good bate session has a much higher chance of achieving your desired result than a partnered session can.
While this isn’t quite flying as fully in the face of societal expectations as the solosexual, the preferential bator lifestyle goes up against the idea that a wank is a ‘fallback’ activity. Only for people who can’t get the “real thing”. So it’s another bold move to admit it.
The bate lover is number 3. I’m thinking about one of the guys I play baseball with. He’s definitely into having sex. He’ll regale us at training with tales of his weekend’s conquests, or occasionally be late to a game because the uber from his hook-up’s house was further away than he expected. But he also isn’t ashamed to admit that he enjoys a wank. It’s not his first preference. But when he feels like it, he does it and he does it properly. He’s not knocking it out in ten minutes or kicking his cum down the shower drain but he’s got the laptop out and got some porn on. He’s giving himself some time and some space to enjoy a solo session. This kind of bator probably has a fleshlight, but that’s likely the extent of their toy collection. They know what edging is and do it on a semi regular basis.
Interestingly I’ve found that these are the guys that often have the least amount of shame attached to their activities. I think the fact that this is the category of bator that’s closest to what society expects helps with that. They have partners and often have sexual relationships. But still have a love for the bate. Those of us in the other two categories often have to get over the fact that we’re in some ways going against the ‘norm’ or what’s expected of us.
Those are the main three categories of bator as I see them. As always I’m happy to discuss it more. You can do that in the Discord server or on the Bator Type poll.
There’s one more category I wanted to throw in. It’s kind of in the bator umbrella but a little to the side. This one I want to term the Fallback Bator. This is the guy who strives to get laid. To find some partner for penetrative sex. But, if that doesn’t happen, they’re quite happy to have a bit of a session on their own. I mean a session, not just “shit no holes tonight I’m better nut before I sleep.” And that difference is why I’ve put it just to the side of the bator umbrella. There’s a crossover but they’re not quite there. I’m not sure these guys would even use the term bator to describe themselves.
Within each of these categories, there are a couple of different characteristics I wanted to touch on.
The first is open or secretive. You can fit into any of the above categories, but your degree of openness may vary. I’d classify myself as a mostly open preferential bator. But I know people who are solosexual and have barely told a soul in the real world. Some solosexuals have barely told a soul online, such is their secrecy. Our openness about our batorness is just as individual as the category we fit into. That guy I mentioned at the baseball club? We know he’s a bate lover. But I’m betting he’s not the only one. He’s just the one that talks about it.
Sexual preference also sits outside of these categories. There might be leanings in particular categories towards a specific sexual preference though. From what I know there’s a higher likelihood of an asexual person being a solosexual, which stands to reason. But I know straight preferential bators, gay fallback bators and every combination in between.
Now you’re wondering even more about some of the other terms you might have heard and why I haven’t created categories out of them or brought them up yet. Well that’s because those terms fit into each and every one of these categories. Gooning, edging, popperbating, toys, gear, voyeur, exhibitionism. There could be a preferential bator who goons or one who doesn’t, like me. A bate lover might be a full exhibitionist but there’ll be a solosexual who doesn’t even have Snapchat. I won’t take up time in defining all of these terms. I’ve gone through them on other episodes and there are definitions online too. My Bator Terminology episode is below too.
Similarly, buddy bating can fit into all of these categories. A solosexual’s one type of partnered interaction is likely with a bate buddy but we’ve all heard stories of buddies who bate together after an unsuccessful night out at the bar or club (yes they happen for real and not just in my stories).
So that covers my interpretation of the categories of bator. I’d love to know what type of bator you are. You can tell me on the poll on my Patreon page. Again, it’s not behind a paywall so don’t worry.
If you’ve listened to this episode and you’re not too sure what type of bator you might be don’t despair. This idea is step one of my bator coaching program and if you’re not sure I’ve come up with a little survey that might help you decide. Click the link to check out that survey. If you like, we can set up a time where I can talk you through it. If you’re interested in the coaching program to help you be a better bator then knowing this is a great place to start.